i am beyond blessed to have countless people in my life who love me and are genuinely invested in who i am as a person.  in fact, i am so behind on answers emails and facebook comments that i can hardly stand it.  i feel terrible.  but i find that in some ways i am paralyzed by the question, “how is married life?” or “how is london?”

the easy answer…and what i think most people want to hear…is “great…i love being married and i love london.”  both are true.  i cannot help but smile as i think of my husband, eric, who left for san francisco this morning.  he is a flight attendant for united and for the next two years or so we are based here in london.   but i am also sad that he is gone. again.

what is also true is that i am adjusting to leaving what has been “home” for many years now…southern california, my loved ones, my church, my job as a pastor and my cute car, zoe.

this morning i rode the tube with eric until it was time to part ways–he was off to heathrow and i was on my way to church.  alone. when it was time to say good-bye i felt like the little girl that used to move around so often. i was always the new girl that had to leave friends…and make new friends.  i suddenly felt so small.   and i found myself reverting back to that place of having to be brave.  as i turned one last time to wave good-bye, i had to bite my lip to keep from crying.  be brave.  but he knew…  he texted me like five times between the time i left him and the time his plane took off.  that is why i smile as i think of him.

i made it to church ok and on time.  the message was about keeping prayer simple.  [well-timed!] i lost myself in praising God for his faithfulness, “true are your promises….”  i walked to a cafe, ate lunch and finished a book i have been reading.  i observed the zillions of people that were walking in the knightsbridge area of london where the world-famous harrod’s sits five or so stories tall.

eventually i began the trek home.   “the victoria line is closed…you will need to take a replacement bus…blah, blah, blah.”  i managed to find an alternative route on the tube then walked through the bustling area of clapham common [past the pub where eric and i chatted away the afternoon yesterday] and then down the quiet residential streets that lead to my home.  i took advantage of my time alone to pray as i walked.  i wanted to talk to God and to share with him how small i was feeling.

he reminded me that he is always with me.  that i am never alone.   he is there in eric’s text messages.  in the lady that spoke with me briefly at church.  in the energy-filled city.  the satisfaction of curling up and reading a good book.  the wonderful, sunny london afternoon.  the english gardens that are blooming everywhere.   as walking past that pub, i was reminded of what a nice day i had with my husband yesterday.  i was grateful to have such small, and yet meaningful reminders.

in general, i am a person who loves adventure, newness and change.  i need it  i thrive on it.  but after pretty nearly living out of a suitcase since march, quitting my job, getting married and moving to london…whew…i could really use some “normal.”  and today…maybe even for the first time since i have been here…i am excited to discover what that may look like.  mh